Sunday, March 29, 2020
Earth's Eulogy
It's amazing how fast we all got used to it
The droughts, the fires the floods
It's amazing how long we all ignored it
Year after year
Hurricanes
Increased in number
More disasters
More hunger
More reasons to fear
Less resources to share
Wars that never ended
Reasons that never existed
Trouble right out in the streets
But we couldn’t,
or wouldn’t see it
We didn't do anything
Until it was too late
Until this planet
Suffered an unthinkable fate
It wasn't until things got irreparably worse
That we finally saw it,
saw our earth
As it was...
As it was
Dangling there in the universe
A miracle, a twist of fate
A fragile rock
In a bubble of air
Which happened to form
Near a perfectly bright star
And on that rock, life arose
So many lives
So much living
Eons of time
Centuries and millennia
But now, the living is over
And we are gathered here today
To remember
The earth was where my children once played
They rolled in the grass
They sprawled in the shade
Of these beautiful creatures upon it which grew
We called them Trees
Their leaves fluttered in the breeze
We were among the last generations
Who could frolic in the waves
Of the water we called oceans
If only we had known how little time was left
Before those beautiful waters became toxic
Became death
I wish we hadn't denied
What the scientists said
They were right the whole time
I wish we’d paid more attention
And done something
Anything
Anything but nothing
If only we had done it
Back when our earth still had a chance to survive
When we could have done something
To keep it alive
Farewell sweet earth
We will miss you like hell
Those seeds in your gardens
That you tended to so well,
Seeds that flourished in your soils and seas
Are now scattered,
flung across the galaxy
Where perhaps one day they will happen to land
On another perfectly spinning chunk of sand
And life will get a second chance
To begin again
Perhaps
The chance of our planet existing at all
Was so incredibly, incredibly small
But it did happen
Once
Once, that we know of so far.
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
no shame
Gracious me, child
Where have you been?
Up and Down
Alive and
Raw
I saw a Rainbow
People scattered
Inside and out
With music flying out of their soul
Nobody saw the red light coming
We didn’t stop
Couldn’t feel
Our heartache
Smudging across the pages of history
Until it was too late
And now these castles
Ragged against the sky
Are crashing down around us
I see nothing
I speak only in silence
Warm hugs of sadness
She always brings
Promises of tomorrow
Tomorrow
It will rain then
But I can’t keep the red
From dripping off the corner of the page
And the lines drawn here are holding me in
Holding me against the grain of my soul
Take my number down
Write it on your heart
There’s no shame in starting over
There is no shame in saying goodbye
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
How to Take Care of Yourself When you Lose Everything
In my previous post, "How to Lose Everything (*except your shit)", I shared my recent experience with spectacular failure and suggested some ways to hang on to your belief in yourself even through the difficult times.
But that is not enough.
Yes, having the proper perspective is important but it doesn't help all that much in the exact moment grief comes. You know the moment I’m speaking of, when you feel the devastating, ugly-cry, world-ending grief, and when self-doubt and sadness seem like they'll stick around forever, what can you do? No pep talk or getting into some place of higher thinking is going to help, no matter how inspiring and full of hope the message may be. You are too low to even think that way.
So, let's get really real here, how do you even muster up the will to keep going?
Where do you find the energy to eat and sleep and shower when what you really want to do is disappear into the lonely dark hole of depression and failure?
As hard as this sounds, here’s what you really need to do. Get up, scrub the stinging tears off your red, raw cheeks and go look at yourself in the mirror. Do it. Look without shame, look even if your eyes are rimmed in tears and your skin is all blotchy. Just look at yourself, really, really LOOK. What do you see?
Do you see a scared little boy or girl who's trying their hardest and yet is afraid of not being recognized for doing their best?
I do.
Do you see a human? A human being crying out to be loved and accepted even if they're not totally perfect?
I do.
Do you see YOU in all your glory, YOU and all your imperfect perfections?
I do.
And I hope you can to. If you're there right now, ugly crying at your own reflection and feeling like a mistake of a human being, don't be ashamed. You're in good company, here, let me help you out a little bit. I've compiled five tips, five things I've learned along my own bumpy way. I’m not claiming to be some perfect guru who’s already perfected this shit, no, no way. But here are some things I learned the hard way, while picking myself up from the wreckage of a failed dream. I hope my experiences help you somehow.
Five things you can do RIGHT NOW to take care of yourself no matter what you are facing:
1.) Love yourself.
O.K. go back into that bathroom and look into that mirror, go back in there every single day until you can look deeply into your own eyes with real, compassionate love. Until you can gaze back with complete acceptance of all that you have been, all that you are now and all that you want to be someday. Love the person staring back at you. If you can't love yourself, completely and wholly, who the heck can?
Think of ways you can be there for yourself right now, ways to nurture and be tender to yourself. Set a goal to love yourself the way you've always wanted to be loved. If you can't forgive your mistakes (no matter how big they may seem) and hold your child self even closer in this time, you're missing out on the greatest gift you have in this life: Yourself.
2.) Forgive yourself (and others)
Forgiveness isn’t just for the person being forgiven, it’s mainly for you, the one doing the forgiving. A teaching of Buddha was that holding onto grudges is like holding onto a hot coal. You are the one who is ultimately burned the most.
I’ve been doing a lot of personal work around forgivenesses lately, there have been and are still plenty of unkind people, people who instead of the love I had hoped for, they continuously root for my downfall and pain. That's hard. Forgiving those people is no easy thing but it’s my continual goal, it’s my hope to someday forgive them completely even the ones who have hurt me so deeply I can’t be the same person again. These monsters in my life are not all that different from the monsters in yours. Though our stories are different, the pain is common to us all.
One way I have found that really helps me let go of my anger towards the pain-bringers and heal is to write a song about it, make art, make beauty with the pain instead. It’s not wrong to be upset when you’ve been wronged by someone else but it's not healthy to hang on to that for too long. It doesn't actually help to want them to see what they did was wrong, holding on to getting apologies or hoping to see some karma to come back. Let go of that. Forgive because you love yourself and want to be healed from the pain, even more than you want to be right, even more than you want someone else to know what they did to you and feel sorry for it.
3.) Let Go
I know that's kind of cliche, especially in the post-Frozen era, but really truly, letting go is hard. Have any of you ever experienced being the parent of a teenager?
It’s not easy, not for the faint of heart. Even if you are lucky enough to have a good-hearted kid who listens and wants to be kind most of the time...just knowing they’re walking around out there in the world. Knowing they’re about to be considered adults and thrown to the wolves with seemingly not very few advanced life skills to support this new freedoms and all their grand ideals. But that’s the trick. Parents, children, teachers, lovers, partners, friends. It’s hard to let go of them, we’re human. We want attachments to stay the same. It would be sad to never see our loved ones grow or change but sometimes they grow away from us. That’s hard.
Letting go. That's the hardest part.
No matter what your heart is intertwined with, understanding your own attachment to it, attachment even to the point of your own unhappiness, is essential. Being able to freely see our own attachments is the key to finding our freedom.
4.) Eat And Sleep
Emotions, sleep and food are incredibly related to one other. Catch me on a low-calorie, low-sleep morning and you will see a much more emotional, more moody person. More knee-jerk responses to the frustrating things of life.
Less patience.
Blood sugar and sleep, biologically speaking, affect our mood and emotional resilience to an extreme degree. What do you experience when you don’t eat or sleep well? When I’m feeling down, eating food helps but it's so hard to force myself to eat. I’m not talking tubs of ice cream and bags of candy to feel temporarily better, those end up taking more energy from us than they give in the end, I’m taking soul nurturing food—and on a regular schedule.
What food makes you feel taken care of and healthy? For me it’s hearty soups and fresh salads, fruit and granola and giant toasted ham sandwiches, pasta and garden veggies. Whatever makes you feel happy and nourished, eat that, eat it regularly, and in easily-digestible amounts.
And the other part of this is sleep, sleep much as you can (within healthy limits). If your mind is racing, try to write it all down then let go, let the paper or your notes app hold your anxiety for the rest of the night. If you can’t sleep at night, take naps in the day.
Just. Sleep.
Breathe.
Meditate.
Let go of the battles long enough to restore. You literally can’t feel happy or have good reactions without good sleep. No matter what monsters you’re facing it's always better after some rest.
5.) Get Out
Wherever you are in your funk, in your mind game, in telling yourself “I’m no good” or “I can’t do this” get up, get out of there! Go for a walk, bike, run, go see a show, see a friend, book a flight to another place, just get out of there, wherever you are right now, even if it's just for a day even if it's just a few minutes. It might be long enough to see more clearly, to gain a little perspective.
Try to really internalize the idea that you’re in a temporary situation and these emotions are temporary as well.
Connection helps, finding common ground with someone else. Go help someone, offer to volunteer at the library or homeless shelter or pull weeds in the community garden. Fresh air and exercise might be the oldest remedy in the book but getting your body moving has been proven to improve mood and lessen depression. Don’t let the darkness of your situation keep you locked away.
I know it's hard but do it. Get out and go, do whatever makes you happy. And while you’re out there, make art along the way, sing, make art, write songs, write poems. Be you.
I don’t know what you’re going through, what monsters or demons lie in your path, but I hope you know that my heart is with you.
I see you standing there: a fellow-human, longing to belong and be loved and accepted, hoping to find happiness in this life.
Please don’t give up. Keep striving for love, keep being and giving the love you want to receive and I’ll promise to do the same.
Together we'll bravely face the future, no matter what it holds.
But that is not enough.
Yes, having the proper perspective is important but it doesn't help all that much in the exact moment grief comes. You know the moment I’m speaking of, when you feel the devastating, ugly-cry, world-ending grief, and when self-doubt and sadness seem like they'll stick around forever, what can you do? No pep talk or getting into some place of higher thinking is going to help, no matter how inspiring and full of hope the message may be. You are too low to even think that way.
So, let's get really real here, how do you even muster up the will to keep going?
Where do you find the energy to eat and sleep and shower when what you really want to do is disappear into the lonely dark hole of depression and failure?
As hard as this sounds, here’s what you really need to do. Get up, scrub the stinging tears off your red, raw cheeks and go look at yourself in the mirror. Do it. Look without shame, look even if your eyes are rimmed in tears and your skin is all blotchy. Just look at yourself, really, really LOOK. What do you see?
Do you see a scared little boy or girl who's trying their hardest and yet is afraid of not being recognized for doing their best?
I do.
Do you see a human? A human being crying out to be loved and accepted even if they're not totally perfect?
I do.
Do you see YOU in all your glory, YOU and all your imperfect perfections?
I do.
And I hope you can to. If you're there right now, ugly crying at your own reflection and feeling like a mistake of a human being, don't be ashamed. You're in good company, here, let me help you out a little bit. I've compiled five tips, five things I've learned along my own bumpy way. I’m not claiming to be some perfect guru who’s already perfected this shit, no, no way. But here are some things I learned the hard way, while picking myself up from the wreckage of a failed dream. I hope my experiences help you somehow.
Five things you can do RIGHT NOW to take care of yourself no matter what you are facing:
1.) Love yourself.
O.K. go back into that bathroom and look into that mirror, go back in there every single day until you can look deeply into your own eyes with real, compassionate love. Until you can gaze back with complete acceptance of all that you have been, all that you are now and all that you want to be someday. Love the person staring back at you. If you can't love yourself, completely and wholly, who the heck can?
Think of ways you can be there for yourself right now, ways to nurture and be tender to yourself. Set a goal to love yourself the way you've always wanted to be loved. If you can't forgive your mistakes (no matter how big they may seem) and hold your child self even closer in this time, you're missing out on the greatest gift you have in this life: Yourself.
2.) Forgive yourself (and others)
Forgiveness isn’t just for the person being forgiven, it’s mainly for you, the one doing the forgiving. A teaching of Buddha was that holding onto grudges is like holding onto a hot coal. You are the one who is ultimately burned the most.
I’ve been doing a lot of personal work around forgivenesses lately, there have been and are still plenty of unkind people, people who instead of the love I had hoped for, they continuously root for my downfall and pain. That's hard. Forgiving those people is no easy thing but it’s my continual goal, it’s my hope to someday forgive them completely even the ones who have hurt me so deeply I can’t be the same person again. These monsters in my life are not all that different from the monsters in yours. Though our stories are different, the pain is common to us all.
One way I have found that really helps me let go of my anger towards the pain-bringers and heal is to write a song about it, make art, make beauty with the pain instead. It’s not wrong to be upset when you’ve been wronged by someone else but it's not healthy to hang on to that for too long. It doesn't actually help to want them to see what they did was wrong, holding on to getting apologies or hoping to see some karma to come back. Let go of that. Forgive because you love yourself and want to be healed from the pain, even more than you want to be right, even more than you want someone else to know what they did to you and feel sorry for it.
3.) Let Go
I know that's kind of cliche, especially in the post-Frozen era, but really truly, letting go is hard. Have any of you ever experienced being the parent of a teenager?
It’s not easy, not for the faint of heart. Even if you are lucky enough to have a good-hearted kid who listens and wants to be kind most of the time...just knowing they’re walking around out there in the world. Knowing they’re about to be considered adults and thrown to the wolves with seemingly not very few advanced life skills to support this new freedoms and all their grand ideals. But that’s the trick. Parents, children, teachers, lovers, partners, friends. It’s hard to let go of them, we’re human. We want attachments to stay the same. It would be sad to never see our loved ones grow or change but sometimes they grow away from us. That’s hard.
Letting go. That's the hardest part.
No matter what your heart is intertwined with, understanding your own attachment to it, attachment even to the point of your own unhappiness, is essential. Being able to freely see our own attachments is the key to finding our freedom.
4.) Eat And Sleep
Emotions, sleep and food are incredibly related to one other. Catch me on a low-calorie, low-sleep morning and you will see a much more emotional, more moody person. More knee-jerk responses to the frustrating things of life.
Less patience.
Blood sugar and sleep, biologically speaking, affect our mood and emotional resilience to an extreme degree. What do you experience when you don’t eat or sleep well? When I’m feeling down, eating food helps but it's so hard to force myself to eat. I’m not talking tubs of ice cream and bags of candy to feel temporarily better, those end up taking more energy from us than they give in the end, I’m taking soul nurturing food—and on a regular schedule.
What food makes you feel taken care of and healthy? For me it’s hearty soups and fresh salads, fruit and granola and giant toasted ham sandwiches, pasta and garden veggies. Whatever makes you feel happy and nourished, eat that, eat it regularly, and in easily-digestible amounts.
And the other part of this is sleep, sleep much as you can (within healthy limits). If your mind is racing, try to write it all down then let go, let the paper or your notes app hold your anxiety for the rest of the night. If you can’t sleep at night, take naps in the day.
Just. Sleep.
Breathe.
Meditate.
Let go of the battles long enough to restore. You literally can’t feel happy or have good reactions without good sleep. No matter what monsters you’re facing it's always better after some rest.
5.) Get Out
Wherever you are in your funk, in your mind game, in telling yourself “I’m no good” or “I can’t do this” get up, get out of there! Go for a walk, bike, run, go see a show, see a friend, book a flight to another place, just get out of there, wherever you are right now, even if it's just for a day even if it's just a few minutes. It might be long enough to see more clearly, to gain a little perspective.
Try to really internalize the idea that you’re in a temporary situation and these emotions are temporary as well.
Connection helps, finding common ground with someone else. Go help someone, offer to volunteer at the library or homeless shelter or pull weeds in the community garden. Fresh air and exercise might be the oldest remedy in the book but getting your body moving has been proven to improve mood and lessen depression. Don’t let the darkness of your situation keep you locked away.
I know it's hard but do it. Get out and go, do whatever makes you happy. And while you’re out there, make art along the way, sing, make art, write songs, write poems. Be you.
I don’t know what you’re going through, what monsters or demons lie in your path, but I hope you know that my heart is with you.
I see you standing there: a fellow-human, longing to belong and be loved and accepted, hoping to find happiness in this life.
Please don’t give up. Keep striving for love, keep being and giving the love you want to receive and I’ll promise to do the same.
Together we'll bravely face the future, no matter what it holds.
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
How to Lose Everything *Except Your Shit
Part 1
At first this sounds like an audacious thing to write about, either it's bold or just plain stupid. "Do you really want to write about losing?" says this little voice inside my brain.
Yes, yes I do.
O.K. Here goes.
I'm ready to stop pretending that everything is great. I'm ready to admit that I don't have all the answers, that in fact, I never did and whatever tenuous string of successes I had in the past are gone now, just a distant memory. My dreams are broken and all the pieces littered along the highway of life.
The business I started on a wish and a prayer as a single mom 10 years ago and then grew into a thriving preschool with a two year long waiting list, yeah, that business -- it went belly-up last summer and not for a lack of trying.
With time and perspective, I can now chalk it up to total burnout combined with the growing pains of a business seeking to expand while going into massive debt during a tumultuous economic climate.
My husband and I worked our hearts out, worked until we were nothing but skin hanging off of bones, until we'd dug into each other with claws so vicious I wasn't even sure if our marriage could last, until we no longer felt like the same people we had been. We had become ghosts, going through the motions of life, totally devoid of hope or any spark of joy. I no longer wrote, sang or played songs. I no longer made art or dreamed of being an artist. It was just soul-sucking, mind-numbing work--day in and day out and feeling totally unappreciated and unseen.
We had made our plans and were determined to make them happen--no matter what--but life, it seems, had made other plans for us and no matter how hard we tried, or how many all-nighters we pulled or how many days we worked in a row, nothing was truly "working" out for us.
Once I realized the ship was going down, and hard, I sounded the alarm and tried to cushion the blow for everyone but it was ugly, it was brutal. It seemed like the whole world was coming down on me for not keeping it all going no matter how bad it got and I had to ask myself the hardest question of all...was this just a string of bad luck that came in spite of all my well-intentioned but misplaced efforts or...did I really, actually fail miserably?
I've been swimming in these questions and doubts ever since last summer. What does it all mean? Is it true that I failed? I mean, the business I started has closed down -- and not very gracefully either -- can I go on believing the same things about myself? Can I go on thinking I'm good at doing something if my efforts didn't go well?
And that's the heart of it all, isn't it?
That's the reason I am writing this--because the question that needs to be answered is:
Can I fail at something and still be proud of myself?
Well, I'm here to tell you that you can.
Not only that, you MUST be proud of yourself and here are three reasons why:
1.) Because you tried.
There are millions of people out there who go on with their life happily thinking they have never failed at anything because they have never tried anything very hard. These are the same folks who have never watched their hard work go down in an epic, spectacular, flaming wreck for all the world to see, and I slightly envy them for that. But wait a minute, those people should actually go down as the biggest failures of all time, they are the ones who failed the most, they failed to grow and stretch and challenge themselves. They failed to try. Be proud that you tried.
2.) Because you learned something.
It's impossible, literally impossible, to go through a hard life lesson without learning something. It would be like trying to walk through a rainstorm without getting wet. Don't avoid it when life is shooting lessons down at you, you might think it's hail and lightening bolts but those are lessons, MAN! Don't avoid them and whatever you do, don't ignore them either… learn that shit and learn it well so you don't have to go through this all over again!
3.) Because if you do, you might help someone else.
For every person who fails gracefully, who can be proud of themselves for trying hard and for learning lessons along the way, there are so many more out there who fail and just continue to fail because they never get up again. They aren't grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow, don't see it for what it is--a chance to learn how to avoid future mistakes. Don't spend any energy judging these poor souls, instead show them how to get up. Stand up, dust yourself off and then help somebody else get up off the floor along with you. Remember, except for a smidgen of perspective you'd be right there too.
Stay tuned for Part II: How to Take Care of Yourself When You Lose Everything
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Take your SOUL Medicine
Greetings all you beautiful people from the land where shiny, happy people play in the sunshine, where winter feels more like spring and spring feels more like winter/summer!
The sweet land of Boulder, Colorado!
Please check out the calendar, I have some good shows coming up, including one tomorrow atThe Laughing Goat in downtown Boulder, a most excellent place to hear live music.
I hope to see you out there, smiling and receiving the gift of song!Why do I love to perform? Performing is so much more than simply getting up and playing a rehearsed piece of music.
If I have done my work, I can let go of thinking about which word comes next and which note to play at what time and I can truly drop into the moment of sharing from my heart, of directly connecting my soul and the soul of the listener.
Music needs no other interface or device to connect, not even language is a barrier! Whenever I don't get up, get out of the house and go out to see live music my spirit starts to feel isolated and imprisoned.
I can't figure out what's missing until I finally do go see someone perform and share music from their heart and then I'm back!! My soul is singing and my heart is light again.
I hope you will make it a point to treat yourself to a regular dose of live music this summer.
It's medicine for your soul.
With love, light and joy,Sarah
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Redemption & True Love
The hail/rain/snow came down intermittently on Tuesday, reminding me that spring isn't nearly as far away as it seems.
A perfect example to me of how often times, in the darkest parts of our lives we don't realize how close the laughter really is, how quickly the good can shine through again.
I'll be totally honest, I've been through a very dark time recently, my health and with it my joy came crashing down around me and rather than pick up the pieces and go on, I just wallowed in it for a while. Being a single parent and business owner meant that over the years I had slowly but surely let go of all the positive things I once did to take care of myself like meditation, yoga, hiking, getting out in nature, making time for music, friends and family and it took me a while to put down my feet and get back up off the ground. I only mention the hard times though so I can talk about the redemption that followed.
Never Give Up.
Some part of me wanted to, but inside a little glimmer of hope and tenacity remained, lighting my path. One night this past winter during the most difficult of my dark times, I was supposed to play for a woman's songwriter showcase. I wasn't even sure if I could walk but, highly determined to play my set, I shuffled and winced my way onto the stage, acknowledged to the audience that I wasn't feeling all that great, then played with my whole heart, just gave it my all.
Afterwards a psychic healer came up and offered to give me a consultation, she said she wanted to help me if she could. During our consult she had a number of fascinating insights for me including a vision of a man standing behind me, holding, supporting and loving me fully. I found it hard to believe such a person could exist but took the leap of faith that she could be right and opened back up to dating again, something I pretty much had given up on after 7 years of failed attempts. Turns out, she was 100% right. There was an amazing man, my soul mate, out there, waiting for me.
And I found him! True love found me.
Redemption.
It's not about meeting your true love, or any other life-changing fortunate event, it's about being open to the light that is just around the bend no matter how dark it seems.
A perfect example to me of how often times, in the darkest parts of our lives we don't realize how close the laughter really is, how quickly the good can shine through again.
I'll be totally honest, I've been through a very dark time recently, my health and with it my joy came crashing down around me and rather than pick up the pieces and go on, I just wallowed in it for a while. Being a single parent and business owner meant that over the years I had slowly but surely let go of all the positive things I once did to take care of myself like meditation, yoga, hiking, getting out in nature, making time for music, friends and family and it took me a while to put down my feet and get back up off the ground. I only mention the hard times though so I can talk about the redemption that followed.
Never Give Up.
Some part of me wanted to, but inside a little glimmer of hope and tenacity remained, lighting my path. One night this past winter during the most difficult of my dark times, I was supposed to play for a woman's songwriter showcase. I wasn't even sure if I could walk but, highly determined to play my set, I shuffled and winced my way onto the stage, acknowledged to the audience that I wasn't feeling all that great, then played with my whole heart, just gave it my all.
Afterwards a psychic healer came up and offered to give me a consultation, she said she wanted to help me if she could. During our consult she had a number of fascinating insights for me including a vision of a man standing behind me, holding, supporting and loving me fully. I found it hard to believe such a person could exist but took the leap of faith that she could be right and opened back up to dating again, something I pretty much had given up on after 7 years of failed attempts. Turns out, she was 100% right. There was an amazing man, my soul mate, out there, waiting for me.
And I found him! True love found me.
Redemption.
It's not about meeting your true love, or any other life-changing fortunate event, it's about being open to the light that is just around the bend no matter how dark it seems.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
the Heart of the matter
It's strange how the last two months seem to have simply escaped.
Like I've been lost, walking through a thick, dark cloud along with all my Colorado friends and loved ones and we are just now starting to see sunshine peeking out from behind the darkness.
With roads being closed up and down the front range and much to deal with on the home front such as flood clean up, I had to take some time away from playing gigs. It's been an period of serious contemplation and inquiry for me, a "yin"ward journey you might say. These experiences have carved out a new perspective in me, a raw humility, a fresh understanding of what it is to be human, how we are all more alike than we are different.
The roads are beginning to re-open now and its a similar theme playing out in my heart as new pathways are opening up--allowing music, love and community to flow into my life like never before. I've observed how having a more open heart makes performances feel easier and more authentic. Heart to heart connections happen more frequently. This is magic!
Last week I was so happy to be a part of the Neil Young Tribute at Oskar Blues in Lyons, it was wonderful to see the town I love so much coming back to life and to visit with all the warm, loving souls there.
I hope you'll come out to a show soon, I'd love to see you! Let's show up for each other, truly, and share in this crazy human experience of life.
Like I've been lost, walking through a thick, dark cloud along with all my Colorado friends and loved ones and we are just now starting to see sunshine peeking out from behind the darkness.
With roads being closed up and down the front range and much to deal with on the home front such as flood clean up, I had to take some time away from playing gigs. It's been an period of serious contemplation and inquiry for me, a "yin"ward journey you might say. These experiences have carved out a new perspective in me, a raw humility, a fresh understanding of what it is to be human, how we are all more alike than we are different.
The roads are beginning to re-open now and its a similar theme playing out in my heart as new pathways are opening up--allowing music, love and community to flow into my life like never before. I've observed how having a more open heart makes performances feel easier and more authentic. Heart to heart connections happen more frequently. This is magic!
Last week I was so happy to be a part of the Neil Young Tribute at Oskar Blues in Lyons, it was wonderful to see the town I love so much coming back to life and to visit with all the warm, loving souls there.
I hope you'll come out to a show soon, I'd love to see you! Let's show up for each other, truly, and share in this crazy human experience of life.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
On the Laughing Goat Stage
Thank you to my wonderful group of women friends and entrepreneurs for coming to the Laughing Goat show last Sunday and for snapping some cool photos!!
Saturday, September 7, 2013
It's Happening Tomorrow
Greetings dear friends!
Tomorrow night, September 8th, I'll take the stage at The Laughing Goat (17th and Pearl) from 8-9pm and would so love to see you there. I'll be performing some new songs that came to me during Song School and can't wait to share them!
Song School was quite an amazing experience. Once again, it blew me away, cracked open my heart and taught me more than I could have ever imagined possible. I chose to spend many of my workshops under the instruction of Amy Speace, a wonderful performer and vocalist. I want to share with you a little nugget from her performance workshop.
Amy had each one of us get up in front of the class and sing the first verse of 'Amazing Grace'; during this performance our classmates were to write down two positive words and one negative word to describe us. Afterwards, we each went up and sat in a chair while everyone blurted out the words they had written down. Sounds vulnerable right? The point of this exercise was to help us "use what we've got". First impressions are powerful, lasting and seem to be invariable no matter who is observing you and no matter how you try to present yourself. Amy encouraged us, as performers, to acknowledge our true selves, the dark and the light sides. Accept and even use to your advantage your "shadow" self on stage as a powerful tool for connecting with the audience.
After all, we're all more connected than we think...and the strongest connection we can feel to another human being is when see and are truly seen by another in our open, raw, faulty, vulnerable, human state.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Owning Your Own Story
Authenticity as a practice
It has become abundantly clear to me that there can be no separation between living my daily life and being on the journey called "musician". More than simply a career choice, for some of us we have embarked on a path that, once begun will leave us much farther from where we started and forever changed.
The journey is not for the timid-hearted, it requires courage and strength. Asking that we open our hearts truly and authentically, all the time....on stage and in life. That we share ourselves with everyone we meet and ask for nothing in return.
Speaking my truth without regret is new for me and I am clumsy at it....but at least I have begun. And each step I take it's with the intention of living, speaking and creating from a place of open, raw truth. Whether you are a musician or not, a path like this might just find you too, it might ask you to come along; and if you go, I hope you find redemption in the beautiful, simple practice of embracing of your own story.
Brene Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection and speaker on great subjects like shame and vulnerability is one of my favorite new authors and lecturers. You can find her giving amazing Ted talks here.
I will leave you with this quote from Ms. Brown:
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”― Brené Brown
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
How Do You Write a New Song?
Notes from a Songwriter
I have somewhat unexpectedly found myself writing new songs this month, and what many of you probably don't realize is that this is not always a voluntary process. Now, sometimes I do sit down and decide to write a song, but more often than not, the songs find me, come knocking on the window of my soul and demand to be admitted. As crazy as that sounds (or makes me sound), I'm not even slightly joking about this. Then the song hangs around, like an extra presence in my life, occupying my thoughts, distracting me from work, until it is at last brought to a point of completion. I wonder if this is what it's like to be possessed? And maybe I AM possessed, just an empty vessel, open and ready for the muse to fill with any song that has truth and needs to be shared with the world.
Every song starts with an idea. Sometimes the idea turns into lines of rhythmic language, spoken almost like a rap or a poem which I then later put to music, or put music to it, rather. Sometimes the idea comes as music and words all together in a nice little package (and that is nice!). These two are the most common ways a song starts out for me.
From these initial bits and pieces I begin to whittle out the song, removing all the parts that don't belong, in a process that reminds me a bit of a quote I once heard by the famous artist, Michealangelo, he said: "In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it."
So I'm more or less a sculptor, working to uncover the song from a jumble of notes and words. I can see it there, it already exists, perfect and complete, just waiting to be unveiled, asking to be heard.
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