Part 1
At first this sounds like an audacious thing to write about, either it's bold or just plain stupid. "Do you really want to write about losing?" says this little voice inside my brain.
Yes, yes I do.
O.K. Here goes.
I'm ready to stop pretending that everything is great. I'm ready to admit that I don't have all the answers, that in fact, I never did and whatever tenuous string of successes I had in the past are gone now, just a distant memory. My dreams are broken and all the pieces littered along the highway of life.
The business I started on a wish and a prayer as a single mom 10 years ago and then grew into a thriving preschool with a two year long waiting list, yeah, that business -- it went belly-up last summer and not for a lack of trying.
With time and perspective, I can now chalk it up to total burnout combined with the growing pains of a business seeking to expand while going into massive debt during a tumultuous economic climate.
My husband and I worked our hearts out, worked until we were nothing but skin hanging off of bones, until we'd dug into each other with claws so vicious I wasn't even sure if our marriage could last, until we no longer felt like the same people we had been. We had become ghosts, going through the motions of life, totally devoid of hope or any spark of joy. I no longer wrote, sang or played songs. I no longer made art or dreamed of being an artist. It was just soul-sucking, mind-numbing work--day in and day out and feeling totally unappreciated and unseen.
We had made our plans and were determined to make them happen--no matter what--but life, it seems, had made other plans for us and no matter how hard we tried, or how many all-nighters we pulled or how many days we worked in a row, nothing was truly "working" out for us.
Once I realized the ship was going down, and hard, I sounded the alarm and tried to cushion the blow for everyone but it was ugly, it was brutal. It seemed like the whole world was coming down on me for not keeping it all going no matter how bad it got and I had to ask myself the hardest question of all...was this just a string of bad luck that came in spite of all my well-intentioned but misplaced efforts or...did I really, actually fail miserably?
I've been swimming in these questions and doubts ever since last summer. What does it all mean? Is it true that I failed? I mean, the business I started has closed down -- and not very gracefully either -- can I go on believing the same things about myself? Can I go on thinking I'm good at doing something if my efforts didn't go well?
And that's the heart of it all, isn't it?
That's the reason I am writing this--because the question that needs to be answered is:
Can I fail at something and still be proud of myself?
Well, I'm here to tell you that you can.
Not only that, you MUST be proud of yourself and here are three reasons why:
1.) Because you tried.
There are millions of people out there who go on with their life happily thinking they have never failed at anything because they have never tried anything very hard. These are the same folks who have never watched their hard work go down in an epic, spectacular, flaming wreck for all the world to see, and I slightly envy them for that. But wait a minute, those people should actually go down as the biggest failures of all time, they are the ones who failed the most, they failed to grow and stretch and challenge themselves. They failed to try. Be proud that you tried.
2.) Because you learned something.
It's impossible, literally impossible, to go through a hard life lesson without learning something. It would be like trying to walk through a rainstorm without getting wet. Don't avoid it when life is shooting lessons down at you, you might think it's hail and lightening bolts but those are lessons, MAN! Don't avoid them and whatever you do, don't ignore them either… learn that shit and learn it well so you don't have to go through this all over again!
3.) Because if you do, you might help someone else.
For every person who fails gracefully, who can be proud of themselves for trying hard and for learning lessons along the way, there are so many more out there who fail and just continue to fail because they never get up again. They aren't grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow, don't see it for what it is--a chance to learn how to avoid future mistakes. Don't spend any energy judging these poor souls, instead show them how to get up. Stand up, dust yourself off and then help somebody else get up off the floor along with you. Remember, except for a smidgen of perspective you'd be right there too.
Stay tuned for Part II: How to Take Care of Yourself When You Lose Everything
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